Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
