I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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