You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
