You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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