If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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