turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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