please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
