He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
