sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
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It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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