is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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