i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just had sex on a roof
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
