I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
