i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's always time for handjobs
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
