You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I faked an abortion last night.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize