i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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