I heard we made out
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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