there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
