I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
