Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't turn off my feet"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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