You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
