I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize