no, he came in my armpit
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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