Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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