I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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