i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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