WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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