How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
