I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
