Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
