my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
