tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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