oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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