turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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