He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
