i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
