You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
