The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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