that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
