made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
