cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
