every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
