you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
