Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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