Whoa Z and x make the same sound
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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