look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
