so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
