whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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