Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
