That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
