He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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