why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
