just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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