I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
