dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
