i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
