Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
