Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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