she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
