Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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