don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
