Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
