I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My dick has a subreddit
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
