I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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