I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
