something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
