on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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