ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
