Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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