i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
