oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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