My friends, they love my intelligence
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
