Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
