is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
